His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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