So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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