Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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