we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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