I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
