i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
