So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
