I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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