she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
