Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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