Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
