I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
