god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
