I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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