If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
