Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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