Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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