my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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