I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
