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• (847): View more from Illinois

  everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky

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• (518): View more from New York

  i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you

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• (951): View more from California

  Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before

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• (925): View more from California

  Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"

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• (954): View more from Florida

  When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.

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• (516): View more from New York

  dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You just wanted to meet firemen

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