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• (816): View more from Missouri

  dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex

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• (415): View more from California

  this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  He made me a period mix..should I back out now?

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.

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• (949): View more from California

  I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday

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• (949): View more from California

  They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.

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