Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i will never coherently bang her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
