And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
