like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to sanitize my soul.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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