i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
