i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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