I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
