This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
