32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
