I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
