There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize