he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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