this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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