Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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