look no pants
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
