Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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