found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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