im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
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