maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
