I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
