Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
