She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
