rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then