Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
