i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
