it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
