i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
