so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
