I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize