She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
