i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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