If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
