The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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