Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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