i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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