Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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