Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
