2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
