What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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