she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
