i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
