she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
