he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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