I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
