I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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