My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
