forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
