Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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