For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
being pregnant is like rehab
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
