im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
