Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
