jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
