I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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