Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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