how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
