in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
