I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
