you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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