I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
