I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
