I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
