Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
