ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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