you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
